Goblins and Kings and Lists, Oh My!
by Briony Tallis
Summary: Jareth, Goblin King and ruler of the Underground decides to make a list of the Pros and Cons of Sarah Williams, oh dear. J/S
1. Chapter 1

**A very short little one-shot about our favourite Goblin King and his love for a certain underage girl.**

* * *

Somewhere in the Underground~

Jareth was in his throne room, surrounded by boisterous goblins. They had gotten into the beer supply again. Jareth sighed and began signing an almost forgotten song to himself as he stared out the window.

"_You've run so long  
You've run so far"_

You see, after Sarah had said the words and won, he was crushed. His world came falling down around him, his entire existence became meaningless. She didn't want him, he was to give her everything: his love, his service and each and every one of her dreams, and she didn't want any of it. He'd have done it all for her! For goodness sake, he turned his world upside down for this girl, and all she could say was "you have no power over me"! This was true, he supposed. After all, it seemed she was the one with the power over him.

"Your eyes can be so cruel  
Just as I can be so cruel  
Though I do believe in you

Yes I do"

He didn't know why he loved her so. She haunted his every thought. He had to know why.

Jareth leapt out of his throne, he had an idea: he's make a list of the pros and cons of Sarah Williams! This would tell him why he loved her to obsession.

He laughed loudly and grinned, running out of the room to his library.

A few hours and some, ahem, 'manly' tears later, Jareth had a partial list:

**The Pros and Cons of Sarah:**

**Pros:**

_Stunningly beautiful_

_Amazing imagination_

_Heroic and brave_

_Loving and caring (to Toby at least)_

_Well endowed (for a girl of her age)_

**Cons:**

_Only 15... Could end up breaking some laws there._

_Whines a lot_

_Can't make up her mind!_

_Plays with toys and dolls_

_Hasn't had a boyfriend... Although, that could be a good thing, corruption of an innocent, yes..._

_Doesn't love me._

"Dammit!" Jareth mumbled.

"Why Sarah, why!?" he yelled.

Jareth then proceeded to break down completely, you see, without Sarah; he had nothing to really live for. One of his goblins, upon hearing his kings' cries, cautiously entered the room. "Sire?" the timid thing asked, "Is there anything I can do for you sire?" Jareth looked up from his tear-smeared page, his makeup running down his cheeks, drying his tears he spoke to the goblin "No, thank you. Go join the others." The goblin bowed and left his master.

Composing himself, Jareth stood, list in hand. He straightened his shirt out and crumpled the paper, throwing out the nearest window. It seemed the memory of Sarah and the scars she left may take longer than hoped to heal.

Somewhere in the Aboveground~

Sarah sat on the end of her bed, watching growing Toby play with Lancelot. She had learned a lot of things from her time in the Labyrinth, and her love and appreciation for her little brother was one of them.

She laughed as he played with the toy. Looking out her window, she briefly searched for the white owl that had sat, perched in the tree outside her window in the weeks following her return to the aboveground. It was not there, but, caught, tangled in one of the branches seemed to be a piece of paper.

Sarah rose and made her way to the open window, and reaching out, she obtained the crumpled page.

"What's this, Toby?" She asked the toddler.

Un-scrunching it, she found a rather peculiar list: 'The Pros and Cons of Sarah'.

Sarah's face became confused and angry, "What the..?!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Almost four years later I've decided to revisit this story. Hopefully things pan out nicely.**

* * *

Somewhere in the Underground~

"Jareth, I've had enough of this!" Sarah's voice rang throughout the strangely goblin-void throne room.

"My precious thing, calm yourself." Jareth's voice was strained, he was unsure of how much longer he's be able to keep Sarah there.

It had been a fortnight since Sarah looked out her bedroom window and found Jareth's list in the tree. That night, after putting young Toby to bed, she called upon the Goblin King...

* * *

When he first materialised in her room she had been furious; yelling at him, screaming insults at the King, further damaging his now brittle ego. The note she found had not been flattering, not in her opinion anyway, and she was determined to make him regret it.

Once the glitter had settled, and Sarah's throat was raw from yelling, Jareth was granted the chance to speak.

The Goblin King took a few moments to compose himself, he had thrown the note out of his window! How did it end up in the Above Ground? Since when did gravity start messing around like that... But then, that was a little silly coming from the man who could move stars on a whim...

"What's said is said; the same goes for what is written. I am sorry that I have offended you, but perhaps that makes us even?"

Sarah was taken aback; first of all, he had apologised. Jareth the Goblin King had apologised. Second of all, how had she offended him?

Sure, she had defeated him on his own turf, with only seconds to spare... But that was his fault for taking her little brother in the first place (despite what he may have said about her asking for it). How long did he think he could get away with it for? You can only take so many children from so many girls, before one of them kicks your self-assured backside.

"How dare you, Jareth! Makes us even? We will never be even, you will always owe me for what you put me through!"

Jareth was silent, and Sarah took a moment to compose herself, thinking 'focus on the positives, Sarah!'

"I do thank you for your apology, though."

The Goblin King raised an eyebrow, and smirked sarcastically,

"I wasn't exactly being sincere, Sarah, my love. Like I said, sorry-but. You did deserve it, really."

Any attempt to find her calm-centre was gone. She had called him there, to her house, her room, to reprimand him for his written assessment (read: attack) on her, and he had shot back with an apology and then further offended her. Now he was retracting that apology and further insulting her.

"Get out, Jareth." Sarah brought her hand to her head, long fingers massaging her temple, "You're obviously just an immature, spoilt brat. There's no use talking to you about anything remotely serious. Good bye, and please throw any unwanted papers in a waste-basket next time, I don't think either of us want another note in my tree."

With that, without waiting for a reply, Sarah turned her back on the Goblin King and walked out of her room.

Deciding to check that her little brother was still sound asleep, she headed towards his room, across the hall from her parents room.

The child lay quietly in his small bed, happily tucked in beside Lancelot.

That's when Jareth appeared beside her without warning, startling her, she hadn't heard him following her so he must have used his magic... to lazy to walk a few feet like a normal person.

"I resent your comments, Sarah. In fact, I resent everything to do with you. What gives you the right to speak to me as if you are above me? I am a King!" Jareth snarled in her ear.

"Be quiet or you'll wake Toby!" Sarah hissed at the man.

Jareth's attention immediately fixed on the child in bed, who was much bigger looking than he remembered.

"Toby, ah, how is my little friend going?"

"He is _not_ your friend!"

"Of course he is, he's a lively little fellow and he has my eyes, what more does friendship require?"

"You know nothing about friendship, obviously."

"And you do, Sarah? You call that obstinate, treasonous dwarf Hedgewart your friend?"

"It's _Hoggle_, and yes, yes he is my friend! He's more noble, and kind, and more a of gentleman than you could ever dream of being!"

That was it. That's what it took for Jareth to snap.

He'd never taken a human into the Underground without their permission, or without them wishing themselves or a loved one away. Today that was going to change.


	3. Chapter 3

**Somewhere in the Underground~**

Before she knew what was happening or where she was, Sarah found herself surrounded by the familiar darkness of the oubliette.

She screamed until her throat was raw, something that was becoming too common too quickly since her reunion with Jareth.

A millions thoughts ran through her mind, most of them very violent, involving the many ways she was going to torture, murder, and dispose of Jareth's body... King or not.

* * *

Jareth was once again in the familiar comfort of his throne room, plotting what to do with his newly attained guest... or, uh, captive... visitor? Prisoner?

Live without the sunlight – he had already chucked her down an oubliette... again... and he had it in his power to leave her there. All her kicking and screaming was annoying, and she would wear herself out soon enough if left down there in the dark. If he left her down there too long, she would die though (silly humans and their need for food), and that would be such a waste of beauty.

Love without your heartbeat – He _could _make her fall in love with him, and then break her heart! That would make use of her beauty, and would definitely make him feel better about himself.

Or he could just literally tear out her heart (although that would kill her, and even he was a bit of a pacifist, and she really was too pretty). So the first option was probably best, he would break her heart... if she had one to break.

Jareth's mind raced, how do you convince a young woman to fall in love with you? It would almost certainly be difficult, especially after a record of baby-brother-stealing and manipulation.

A devious smirk appeared on his lips; it was cunning, it was cruel, it would work – Jareth was going to seduce Sarah.

* * *

'I'm going to kill him, I swear I will.'

This thought is what kept Sarah going, and that of Toby (thankfully this time he was safe at home), as she clambered up and out of the oubliette.

She'd managed to get high enough to grab hold of on the hands, eventually forcing her way to the top of the hand-tunnel, to the hands' collective anger and dismay. If that didn't impress or terrify him, nothing would.

Left with a few nasty bruises, she found herself in the same part of the Labyrinth she had been the first time around. This time she was going to do things right; take the opposite advice she had last time, and find her way straight to the heart of the Labyrinth.

* * *

Well, she did it. She found her way to the centre of the Labyrinth in record-breaking time, easily slipped through the gates of the Goblin City, and walked right in the front door of the Castle. Things were easier done when it was just one person trying to sneak around.

She arrived in the throne room just as one of the more senior-looking goblins was addressing his King, and reminding him of all the trouble Sarah had caused the last time she was there, and trying to persuade him to not become as attached to her again.

In particular, the goblin stated how she had left him a broken man, useless and sulking. This revelation caused Sarah to burst out laughing, drawing all attention to her.

She stood there trying to stop herself laughing, her hands covering her mouth while her face gradually reddened.

"You cried over me? _You_, great and mighty Goblin King, _cried_ over_ me_, little Sarah Williams? Oh, this is too good."

She managed to say before being choked up with laughter again.

Jareth's cheeks grew hot, how the hell had she gotten out of the oubliette, again!? Were there no guards on duty, minding the gates? Had no one seen her coming through the city and into his castle? Was her sole purpose on this earth to humiliate and emasculate him!?

The goblins in the room were caught between the urge to laugh along with the girl, and the urge to be loyal to their King and fight off the girl... or at least shut her up. A few goblins giggled before being hushed by their concerned brethren.

Jareth glared at the girl, then at the goblin who had let slip about his former emotional instability, and then back at Sarah.

"Get out." His voice was deadly and low, instantly shutting up all the goblins.

Even though her body wracked with now-silent laughter, she knew he was addressing his subjects the goblins and not her.

The goblins took a few moments to catch on, but a few more stern words from their King had them running to the door,

"If this room is not clear of every creature under 4 feet tall in the next ten seconds, you will all be reassigned to guard duty in the Bog of Eternal Stench!"

It took five seconds for the room to be emptied of all but Jareth and Sarah; it was the fastest Sarah had ever seen them move.

So impressed was she at the speed of the goblins that it took her a moment to realise the King was still watching her. Sarah's eyes met his and instantly she felt like she was about four feet tall and wished she could run out of the room along with the goblins.

Sarah shrank beneath the deadly stare of the King, fear swelling in her stomach for the first time since she defeated him. Her confidence immediately diminished, now unsure of her ability to confront Jareth.


End file.
